02/07/2015

Striving for Perfection

Disclaimer: This is a personal post.

Yesterday, I got my final results from university. I got a 2:1. For many people this is great news. For me, I was very disappointed in myself. Last years' dismal results didn't help so I had to work my arse off this year just to get a 2:1. However, I'm still annoyed with myself. You see, I'm one of those people who wants to be the best at everything I do. I'm not saying I want to be first place in everything but I want to achieve the most that I can in my life. I know my own strengths and how much effort I have to give in certain aspects of my life.

Education has always been a strong point for me. I finished school with 16 and a half GCSE's all A*-C and I worked incredibly hard for those grades after no help from most of my teachers whatsoever; during this time I had to balance studying with dance classes pretty much every weeknight. I've always been lucky that I'm pretty academic and I actually enjoy learning about new things, I don't think that will ever change, but I have a need to be the best. So when I got my results yesterday, I was satisfied but not happy. The main problem is my university journey didn't go quite to plan (I wrote a post on this last year) and seeing my grade today just established that I should never have gone to university in the first place.

I know for many professions you need a degree but I'm starting college in September to study journalism, something that I'm really passionate about and will put all of my energy into it. For this course I'll be getting a train every day at 6am every weekday to travel to Sheffield from September until March so I'd say that's some pretty hardcore dedication already. Also, I passed the entrance exam straight away and the lecturers are so much more attentive that they are at my university. I think because of my focus on this, I put less energy into my university work. It doesn't mean I didn't try, because I did, but I just felt that no matter how hard I tried, the grades didn't seem to match the effort. That's why I hate those people who never or barely study and get top grades.

I would say my university experience has been less than great. Living at home and not drinking alcohol at all has probably hindered my experience but I don't really care about that. I've made a couple of great friends on my course and joined a society in which I love every single member and am so grateful for these. However, the academic side was sub par. The course was poorly organised, lecturers were a nightmare to get a hold of and when you did get in contact with them, they rarely gave you any help or advice. Because of this, my attendance was poor; I didn't feel valued as a student of my subject. Instead of attending lectures, I would read the relevant chapters and look online at articles on the subject too so I was doing more productive work rather than listening to a lecturer ramble on for two hours of my life.

I'm someone who's very proud of everything they've accomplished but there is always room for improvement. As of September, I am solely focused on passing my journalism course with flying colours and starting a new chapter in my life, one of which I should have started instead of going to uni. I'm one of the most ambitious people I know; I want to be successful and make a difference in a career that I love. And sometimes I've been made to feel bad for being ambitious. Is it so wrong to put my career before everything in my life? Having a good career that I'm happy with will allow me to be able to afford to get married, start a family and own a great home. As girls, I feel like we're not allowed to dream big or be ambitious in fear of being laughed at. I'm not someone who is going to settle for anything less than perfect in any aspect of my life. I'm very independent too so I think that allows me to go after what I want.

At the end of the day, I'm graduating from uni with a fairly decent grade and I've managed to balance studying with a part-time job since I was 16. I'm going to continue to grow and evolve as a human being and continue on with the next chapter in my life.
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