15/11/2017

PERSONAL | BODY STRUGGLES

bodystruggles01

Monday was not a good day. Since starting a new job last week, I discovered my lack of smart trousers in my wardrobe and set out to the city centre to find myself some new ones. After over an hour of searching, I finally found a pair in Dorothy Perkins that fit. Turns out I've gone up two dress sizes since I bought my last pair. I won't say what size I am now but I've always been tiny. Two sizes might not be a huge difference to some of you but it is to me.


For years, I struggled with an eating disorder (you can read all about it here) but in recent years, I've enjoyed eating more than anything. It's always been difficult for me to gain weight up until a couple of years ago. Even when I was skinny, I've always been self-conscious about my weight.

Now I'm older, I've grown to care less even though I've put on weight. Today was a reminder of how unhealthy I've become. Since moving to uni, I've been snacking a lot when I've been at home, I've been buying myself hot chocolates too much outside of the house, I've not even used the gym on site of my accommodation. I wouldn't say I've got 'fat', I'm just carrying some excess weight.

bodystruggles02

I know you don't have to be slim to be healthy but for me right now, I'm so unhealthy. I'm not sleeping properly, I've hardly been drinking any water, I'm skipping meals. I think I might have to start a food diary to keep track of my eating habits. I also want to get back in the gym because I feel at my best when I'm working out. It gives me more energy, I eat better because I'm caring about what I put in my body and it makes me tired so I sleep better!

It could be that I'm stressed because I am. I've got uni assignments due in next month that I've not started, I've just started a new job, I have a few different freelance writing jobs to balance and I've got this blog. I've yet to find a balance between it all. Working shifts means I can be doing a 3-7 or a 6-10 shift and not getting home until an hour after I finish my shift. I'm not one of those people who can stomach a heavy meal late at night so I tend to either snack on chocolate/crisps or don't eat anything at all.

I'm going home this weekend so I hope I can start some of my assignments. It's just a lot easier to do when your mum and dad are checking up on you constantly! If I can make a start on those, then I might have a little more time to get in the gym and cook healthy meals from next week. For me it's a constant cycle between looking after myself and prioritising what's important. Often, I put everything else before my own health and wellbeing.

bodystruggles03

I'm at that point in my life where I need to start focusing on taking care of myself. If I'm not in great shape physically and mentally, I can't do as well at uni, I can't write as well and I'm not in the right frame of mind to do a good job at work.

Sorry for having a bit of a word vomit on you all. I needed a place to vent about my thoughts and why not make a blog post about it?! 
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